I've been told, on more than one occasion, that all good things come to an end. I acknowledge the truth in that statement but I refuse to accept the finality of it. Why does it have to end? I'd much rather believe that the good thing *evolves* into something different. Something we may not be able to see clearly at first and something that may be disguised as disappointment. Of course, it would be nice if the good things went on forever but I have a sneaking suspicion they would eventually lose their charm and I would crave a let-down to put everything back into perspective.
Without the lows, we cannot fully appreciate the highs.
The dips and curves have all but thrown me off lately. The highs are spectacular but eventually are shadowed by a rapidly deepening low which, in turn, is chased away by another high. It's as if I've been riding with my eyes shut for the past month. Completely consumed in the moment and unable to see what waits for me up ahead.
The interesting thing about it is if you ask someone if they'd want it any other way, you'll find you get a different answer depending on where they are on the rollercoaster. Ask them at a peak and they're ready to take on anything. Ask them at a low and they'll tell you they wished they would have seen it coming, probably because we have a false notion we could have done something to prevent it.
We can't prevent it. It's all part of the ride.
This makes me wonder if balance is truly what I seek or if I'm just trying to take the easy (and safe) way out by aiming to keep things at a more manageable level. I think about some of the experiences I've had during peak times and what I would have missed out on if I had not taken a risk and moved forward with my eyes shut and my heart open and I wouldn't give those experiences back for the world. It's easy to let go and enjoy the ride during those moments.
It's when you hit a low or a sharp turn that your instinct is to hold on as tightly as possible even though the ride is going to take you in the same direction whether you fight the force of the curve or not. Resistance is useless so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride... twists, turns, highs, lows. There's something to be learned in all of it - humility, happiness, perserverance, stamina, forgiveness, and, most of all, patience.
I feel myself just coming off of a peak and I can see a steep slope in front of me. Instead of focusing on the bumps along the way and the fear of falling, I will try to enjoy the breeze on my face and the promise of another peak after the next turn. Hop on... there's room on this ride for everyone.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Listen To You
There must be something in the air. For the past week or so I have had several of my girlfriends come to me for advice as they struggle to rectify their torn emotions over someone. I do my best to listen without judgement and find myself repeating the same mantra that has been in the back of my mind ever since I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. The book is filled with subtle life lessons but this one rings especially true as I listen to my friends agonize over decisions that may ultimately result in happiness or hurt.
We don't listen to our inner voice enough.
And we don't for good reasons. We can actually come up with a multitude of good reasons to not listen to our instincts and what this complex universal energy is trying to tell us. It often amazes me how strong denial, fear, and what some people consider "reason" can be in deflecting us from what we know is right and meant to be or what is wrong and shouldn't be.
I recently had dinner with an old friend from high school who relayed a story to me about a life decision he made and how he felt about it. He had been in college, following a career path someone suggested he would excel in. He questioned it from the beginning but respected the opinion of the person so he pushed on. After struggling for a few semesters he finally came to the conclusion to go back to his original educational path. He was radiant as he told me about it. Completely resolved, completely at ease, and I could see a new spark of motivation in him as he spoke.
True desire contains no doubt.
I'm finding that the same kind of resolve holds true in personal relationships. The strongest and longest lasting relationships are the ones you don't question. There are people you are instinctively drawn to and the magnetism is equally reciprocated. End of story.
Maybe I'm being somewhat idealistic but I'm beginning to think that the key is to focus on the things that truly feel good and right and let everything else go. Spend less time thinking about bad things in the past that have hurt you or good things you wish you could re-create and spend more time on things in the present that bring a smile to your face... a walk on the beach, a hug from your child, time spent with friends, planning for a trip, the warmth of the sun on your skin, playful banter across state lines... All of it is so temporary and we waste a lot of time dwelling on things extrenuous to what really matters, myself included.
But then again, maybe I'm just truly exhausted and someone should smack me out of this philosophical and painfully optimistic state of mind. *yawn*
We don't listen to our inner voice enough.
And we don't for good reasons. We can actually come up with a multitude of good reasons to not listen to our instincts and what this complex universal energy is trying to tell us. It often amazes me how strong denial, fear, and what some people consider "reason" can be in deflecting us from what we know is right and meant to be or what is wrong and shouldn't be.
I recently had dinner with an old friend from high school who relayed a story to me about a life decision he made and how he felt about it. He had been in college, following a career path someone suggested he would excel in. He questioned it from the beginning but respected the opinion of the person so he pushed on. After struggling for a few semesters he finally came to the conclusion to go back to his original educational path. He was radiant as he told me about it. Completely resolved, completely at ease, and I could see a new spark of motivation in him as he spoke.
True desire contains no doubt.
I'm finding that the same kind of resolve holds true in personal relationships. The strongest and longest lasting relationships are the ones you don't question. There are people you are instinctively drawn to and the magnetism is equally reciprocated. End of story.
Maybe I'm being somewhat idealistic but I'm beginning to think that the key is to focus on the things that truly feel good and right and let everything else go. Spend less time thinking about bad things in the past that have hurt you or good things you wish you could re-create and spend more time on things in the present that bring a smile to your face... a walk on the beach, a hug from your child, time spent with friends, planning for a trip, the warmth of the sun on your skin, playful banter across state lines... All of it is so temporary and we waste a lot of time dwelling on things extrenuous to what really matters, myself included.
But then again, maybe I'm just truly exhausted and someone should smack me out of this philosophical and painfully optimistic state of mind. *yawn*
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Go Ahead and Hit Snooze
I like watching television just as much as any other American who has one. I tend to multitask most of the time so usually it's background noise I glance at when I hear something that peaks my interest. I don't care for dramas or even most sitcoms although I will sit through an episode of House if I come across it as I flip through channels. Basically I like to keep it pretty simple and stick to the same channels - Discovery, History, and Syfy (I still don't understand the spelling change).
There are also a handful of competition shows I regularly tune into - one of them being The Amazing Race. Usually this show provides some cultural value as the teams race around the world as well as comedic moments and can sometimes trigger feelings of mild disgust at the way the racers treat each other under pressure. Every once in a while, though, there are moments when things happen on the race that are just plain touching and even a little inspiring. The most recent episode is one of those.
On the previous episode, there was a team who actually came in last place but was spared being eliminated because the team ahead of them had broken a rule and incurred a 60-minute penalty. If you believe in luck then it definitely was on their side. On the current episode, they started out by over-sleeping nearly 2 hours at the start of the race. They were already behind the other racers to begin with but now they had added more distance between them and everyone else. The universe was with them, though, and they actually ended up back with the pack before the next challenge.
If you've watched the show then you know that it's common for them to bottleneck everyone at some point to even up the odds and make the show more interesting. What the producers DON'T plan for (and CAN'T plan for) is the human element that is brought out when everything seems to be going downhill. And this is where it gets most interesting.
After over-sleeping and then catching up with the pack, the boyfriend proposed, she accepted, they completed the challenges swiftly and accurately, and wound up in a head to head race for first place. They actually came in second but the team in front of them had also made a silly mistake and incurred a 30-minute penalty which put this seemingly ill-fated team in first. Oh, and they won a trip to Belize as icing on the cake.
Not a bad day after all.
What's my point? Next time I over-sleep (and it WILL happen), instead of cashing the day in without giving it the proper chance, I'll try to remember what a spectacular day it turned out to be for this couple who will be honeymooning in Belize courtesy of CBS.
I better go to sleep soon...I don't want to test my memory right away.
You can watch the episode by clicking here.
There are also a handful of competition shows I regularly tune into - one of them being The Amazing Race. Usually this show provides some cultural value as the teams race around the world as well as comedic moments and can sometimes trigger feelings of mild disgust at the way the racers treat each other under pressure. Every once in a while, though, there are moments when things happen on the race that are just plain touching and even a little inspiring. The most recent episode is one of those.
On the previous episode, there was a team who actually came in last place but was spared being eliminated because the team ahead of them had broken a rule and incurred a 60-minute penalty. If you believe in luck then it definitely was on their side. On the current episode, they started out by over-sleeping nearly 2 hours at the start of the race. They were already behind the other racers to begin with but now they had added more distance between them and everyone else. The universe was with them, though, and they actually ended up back with the pack before the next challenge.
If you've watched the show then you know that it's common for them to bottleneck everyone at some point to even up the odds and make the show more interesting. What the producers DON'T plan for (and CAN'T plan for) is the human element that is brought out when everything seems to be going downhill. And this is where it gets most interesting.
After over-sleeping and then catching up with the pack, the boyfriend proposed, she accepted, they completed the challenges swiftly and accurately, and wound up in a head to head race for first place. They actually came in second but the team in front of them had also made a silly mistake and incurred a 30-minute penalty which put this seemingly ill-fated team in first. Oh, and they won a trip to Belize as icing on the cake.
Not a bad day after all.
What's my point? Next time I over-sleep (and it WILL happen), instead of cashing the day in without giving it the proper chance, I'll try to remember what a spectacular day it turned out to be for this couple who will be honeymooning in Belize courtesy of CBS.
I better go to sleep soon...I don't want to test my memory right away.
You can watch the episode by clicking here.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Buggin' Out
Cold medicine makes me sleepy. It doesn't matter if it's the day time formula or the night time formula, my eye lids become equally lazy either way. I hate being sick.
Before you chime in with "doesn't everyone?" let me just elaborate on what a rare occasion it is that a virus will have it's way with me. I'm a carrier. My nickname growing up was Typhoid Jenny. I would sneeze or cough a little and the entire house would be nearly quarantined by the CDC. I remember being constantly sick for a period of about a year or so when I was in pre-school. I was so used to being sick that once I very matter-of-factly told my dad, "I'm gonna be sick". To which he replied, "No you're not." I, of course, proceeded to get sick all over the doorstep and then looked at him and said, "I told you." I was five years old.
It must have been during this period that almost every common virus or bacteria attacked me and I built up sufficient defenses for them to just ride around on me until they found an unsuspecting and ill-prepared victim. After nearly two decades of being a contagion, my kids started school and a whole new breed of bugs was introduced to my highly trained immune system. I had a couple of years of white blood cell boot camp and was illness-free once again. Until now.
Maybe it's the tropical climate or the idiotic hand scan time clock system I have to use at work. Or maybe I'm subconsciously manipulating my immune system so I won't go to work! Hey, stranger things have happened.
I have one paid sick day left until next August. At this rate, I won't make it that long without taking a day off. Just in case this viral attack is a consipracy between my psyche and immune system, I will be working on my resume tonight and actively seeking new cheese. The bacteria-free kind.
Before you chime in with "doesn't everyone?" let me just elaborate on what a rare occasion it is that a virus will have it's way with me. I'm a carrier. My nickname growing up was Typhoid Jenny. I would sneeze or cough a little and the entire house would be nearly quarantined by the CDC. I remember being constantly sick for a period of about a year or so when I was in pre-school. I was so used to being sick that once I very matter-of-factly told my dad, "I'm gonna be sick". To which he replied, "No you're not." I, of course, proceeded to get sick all over the doorstep and then looked at him and said, "I told you." I was five years old.
It must have been during this period that almost every common virus or bacteria attacked me and I built up sufficient defenses for them to just ride around on me until they found an unsuspecting and ill-prepared victim. After nearly two decades of being a contagion, my kids started school and a whole new breed of bugs was introduced to my highly trained immune system. I had a couple of years of white blood cell boot camp and was illness-free once again. Until now.
Maybe it's the tropical climate or the idiotic hand scan time clock system I have to use at work. Or maybe I'm subconsciously manipulating my immune system so I won't go to work! Hey, stranger things have happened.
I have one paid sick day left until next August. At this rate, I won't make it that long without taking a day off. Just in case this viral attack is a consipracy between my psyche and immune system, I will be working on my resume tonight and actively seeking new cheese. The bacteria-free kind.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Ode to Virtual Blvd.
Facebook wasn't the first social networking site but nonetheless has become a formidable beast in the virtual world. Classmates.com - eat your heart out. Although I spend a lot of time updating my status, posting links, playing games, and lurking around other peoples pages, I have no desire to see the movie about the immaculate conception of the site. I'd rather live in perpetual wonderment and gratitude for the friends it has brought me back together with. Not to mention there probably aren't aliens or explosions in the movie and for me that just isn't much fun at all.
Last week I met up with my best friend from elementary school who I haven't seen in over 16 years. Although we drifted apart for a while and our lives went in their own respective directions, I still felt as comfortable as if we had never lost touch. Friendships like these are few and far between. I can count on one hand how many friends I have who I share a true mutual bond with. I wish we all lived closer to each other but thanks to a computer and an internet connection (and eventually a webcam), we're all much closer than we were before.
The virtual arena is also teeming with new and interesting life to discover. Playful banter is in abundance on any given day and moral support is readily available when needed. Some use it as an avenue for venting when there isn't anyone around to vent to. All you need is a cell phone and a data plan and you can instantly post about the idiot who cut you off or the jerk who just took your parking stall and we can all comiserate together.
By far the most interesting connection made in the virtual world is the love connection. Some scoff at the idea of being able to connect with someone on such a deep level without actually being in the person's presence yet I've personally witnessed this process go from status flirting to walking down the aisle. It's bewildering and refreshing at the same time and offers the jaded spectator an ounce of hope they'll probably never admit to.
I've also heard it said the more connected we get, the lonlier we are. I agree that there is something unique and irreplaceable about human contact however I think words are also a powerful connector in the grand scheme of relationships. We can talk to each other without interference from the media-driven self-awareness that makes a lot of us doubt ourselves when in the physical presence of another person. We can't help it - we're visual creatures and what we see can trigger a vast array of emotions from attraction to amusement to repulsion. It's nice when those things don't get in the way of sharing a laugh. We can't all be supermodels but some of us say the darndest things. Having those things grace my day can brighten even the dreariest moments.
Time to go do some virtual hugging and kissing. xoxo
Last week I met up with my best friend from elementary school who I haven't seen in over 16 years. Although we drifted apart for a while and our lives went in their own respective directions, I still felt as comfortable as if we had never lost touch. Friendships like these are few and far between. I can count on one hand how many friends I have who I share a true mutual bond with. I wish we all lived closer to each other but thanks to a computer and an internet connection (and eventually a webcam), we're all much closer than we were before.
The virtual arena is also teeming with new and interesting life to discover. Playful banter is in abundance on any given day and moral support is readily available when needed. Some use it as an avenue for venting when there isn't anyone around to vent to. All you need is a cell phone and a data plan and you can instantly post about the idiot who cut you off or the jerk who just took your parking stall and we can all comiserate together.
By far the most interesting connection made in the virtual world is the love connection. Some scoff at the idea of being able to connect with someone on such a deep level without actually being in the person's presence yet I've personally witnessed this process go from status flirting to walking down the aisle. It's bewildering and refreshing at the same time and offers the jaded spectator an ounce of hope they'll probably never admit to.
I've also heard it said the more connected we get, the lonlier we are. I agree that there is something unique and irreplaceable about human contact however I think words are also a powerful connector in the grand scheme of relationships. We can talk to each other without interference from the media-driven self-awareness that makes a lot of us doubt ourselves when in the physical presence of another person. We can't help it - we're visual creatures and what we see can trigger a vast array of emotions from attraction to amusement to repulsion. It's nice when those things don't get in the way of sharing a laugh. We can't all be supermodels but some of us say the darndest things. Having those things grace my day can brighten even the dreariest moments.
Time to go do some virtual hugging and kissing. xoxo
Monday, October 25, 2010
Messy Monday
The mess I am is in particular disarray this morning. I woke up to a documentary about "The Exorcist" at the precise moment when Linda Blair was discussing what it was like to be 14 years old and have to pull a woman's face to her crotch and utter profane demands. Slightly disturbing yet intriguing at the same time. I'll have to ask my psychologist friends what that means.
The excessive amounts of jalapenos I consumed this weekend were having an after party in my stomach and my right ankle keeps sending me reminders that ingesting alcohol and traversing the very uneaven sidewalk in Waikiki wearing heels is probably not a good idea for me. I'll leave that up to the pros from now on.
My wardrobe selection today is also an indication of my less-than-acute sense of my surroundings. It wasn't until I went outside to walk the dog and a huge gust of wind turned my skirt into a miniature parachute that I realized I may have made an improper clothing selection. The breeze felt good, though, so I didn't change into anything else.
Free Marilyn Monroe reenactments in Waipahu at 12:15 and 5:30 today.
~J
The excessive amounts of jalapenos I consumed this weekend were having an after party in my stomach and my right ankle keeps sending me reminders that ingesting alcohol and traversing the very uneaven sidewalk in Waikiki wearing heels is probably not a good idea for me. I'll leave that up to the pros from now on.
My wardrobe selection today is also an indication of my less-than-acute sense of my surroundings. It wasn't until I went outside to walk the dog and a huge gust of wind turned my skirt into a miniature parachute that I realized I may have made an improper clothing selection. The breeze felt good, though, so I didn't change into anything else.
Free Marilyn Monroe reenactments in Waipahu at 12:15 and 5:30 today.
~J
Monday, October 18, 2010
Un-Profoundly Speaking
I would love to start this blog writing something profound however I'm at my desk, sitting under life-sucking flourescent lamps, and writing as a temporary means of escape from the tediousness of my day job. What's my point? My thoughts are somewhat stifled.
I have hope, though. With my luck, it will all come flooding back to me at 3:00 am and I'll be forced to resort to pen and paper (since my home computer is on the blink). Universe willing, I'll be able to read what I wrote.
In the meantime, I sit here under the humming of the lights in this chair that is undoubtedly making my hips wider and listen to my inner voice screaming, "Get me out of here!". There is a marked lack of laughter in this place replaced by the intermittent whisper of workers comiserating just shy of prying ears.
I'm actually thankful for this job. It pays well, is indoors, close to my residence, and I have my own parking stall. Hardly anything to scoff at. The recent pay cut was a little discouraging but it hardly makes a dent in my bi-weekly compensation.
Oh but it would be nice to do something else.
I wonder how many people are thinking the same thing? You get up every morning, put on clothes that are less than comfortable (and not unique), get in the car, sit in traffic (I don't do this part but I'm sure many do), do what is asked of you, follow the rules, clock in and out, shuffle paperwork, blah, blah, blah, go home, briefly be yourself or vent about how you *couldn't* be yourself, go to sleep, then get up and do it all over again, all the while thinking you'd rather do something else. It's strangely comforting to know I'm not the only one in this predicament yet it's equally as frustrating that I'm caught in the current of the thoughts of the masses.
I know what I need to do. Like being caught in a rip tide, I must swim perpendicular to the current in order to be free from it. Swimming parallel will only take me out farther and into deeper and more treacherous waters. The longer I wait, the deeper I get. The water has already started turning a darker and more ominous shade of blue. Hopefully I can make the turn and swim away before a dark black shadow looms underneath. Unfortunately, hope hasn't thrown me a life preserver yet. I can see one in the distance, though, and it has risk and perserverance written all over it.
I have hope, though. With my luck, it will all come flooding back to me at 3:00 am and I'll be forced to resort to pen and paper (since my home computer is on the blink). Universe willing, I'll be able to read what I wrote.
In the meantime, I sit here under the humming of the lights in this chair that is undoubtedly making my hips wider and listen to my inner voice screaming, "Get me out of here!". There is a marked lack of laughter in this place replaced by the intermittent whisper of workers comiserating just shy of prying ears.
I'm actually thankful for this job. It pays well, is indoors, close to my residence, and I have my own parking stall. Hardly anything to scoff at. The recent pay cut was a little discouraging but it hardly makes a dent in my bi-weekly compensation.
Oh but it would be nice to do something else.
I wonder how many people are thinking the same thing? You get up every morning, put on clothes that are less than comfortable (and not unique), get in the car, sit in traffic (I don't do this part but I'm sure many do), do what is asked of you, follow the rules, clock in and out, shuffle paperwork, blah, blah, blah, go home, briefly be yourself or vent about how you *couldn't* be yourself, go to sleep, then get up and do it all over again, all the while thinking you'd rather do something else. It's strangely comforting to know I'm not the only one in this predicament yet it's equally as frustrating that I'm caught in the current of the thoughts of the masses.
I know what I need to do. Like being caught in a rip tide, I must swim perpendicular to the current in order to be free from it. Swimming parallel will only take me out farther and into deeper and more treacherous waters. The longer I wait, the deeper I get. The water has already started turning a darker and more ominous shade of blue. Hopefully I can make the turn and swim away before a dark black shadow looms underneath. Unfortunately, hope hasn't thrown me a life preserver yet. I can see one in the distance, though, and it has risk and perserverance written all over it.
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